I told a boy in London that he had eyes
that could drown a girl, and I don’t know why he
kissed me a moment afterwards.

How easy it is, I thought with his hands on my waist,
to turn someone on
with such a blatant desire to drown.

And I stood there in the rain with a beautiful boy who knew exactly
where to put his hands, and I couldn’t stop thinking
of how I had never felt less beautiful.

So I closed my eyes and was there again,
to that night where we sat side by side with our naked bodies
in the lake, with the land and water like a rorschach ink blot;

the stars, the stars like fish in the sky
that swam when we dipped our toes in
and made ripples, laughing, with our limbs
like swan wings,

with my heart caught in my throat
in the shape of your laugh.